Getting Real

Okay, I started getting boring on this blog as it isn't really doing what I initially wanted to do with it - and that was to bitch.

Well, as my dear husband reminded me, F-em if they can't take it. So here it goes.

My business has slowed down considerably. I think it's because I've been giving poor customer service to my clients. I just had a lot of trouble saying NO to some and stringing other along so I can eventually get to their work. But in my defense, I've actually worked to get rid of my horrible clients at the expense of the good ones. Unfortunately I had to lay off my one employee - who is just fantastic - in order to look at re-tooling my company or going off to get a job working for someone else. Our bill-ables were getting to where they were *just* covering payroll, but not enough to cover other overhead expenses and I started to see the cushion I've built up slowly decline. So, rather than let the cushion go to zero - or negative - I decided to try to make a bad situation good: I gave my tech 35% of his annual salary and am paying for another full month of health care for his entire family. (Note: I think I paid him quite handsomely, so 35% was not something insignificant. In truth, he has more money in his bank account right now than I do).

So I get this nice note in the mail from our local Work Force Commission stating that the tech has applied for unemployment benefits.

I was shocked and felt very betrayed.

Applying for Unemployment Benefits directly impacts me as my company has to pay a percentage of our earnings to the state for Unemployment. If anyone actually claims on the company, then the company is required to make up the difference at tax time - in other words, I'll be the one paying the Unemployment Benefit - not some nondescript state agency.

I honestly feel that this was a direct "Fuck you" to me personally. I understand it's a difficult thing to lose a job, but I really tried to do right by him and his family. It just makes me deep down sad that it ended this way and I now have feelings of resentment towards this person.

I'm sorry I let A go. I really am. But I feel this was the best decision to make considering our work load and our prospects. I've been interviewing with companies and all of them want to talk to him because I've sung praises about his ability of being a tech. I hope someday we can look back at this and laugh. Right now, I just feel awful.