Tuesday, November 29, 2005


I have gotten the shit beat out of me this week emotionally.

I have a very bad client - they don't pay on time, they always change the project without consultation with me and insist that I do free work - I'm truly sick of it.

This week just put me over the top . I have one more project that I have to finish for them and it is a very complex project. As I have been having excruciating problems with the construction phase of simple projects that I've done for them in the past, I've finally decided to punt on the project. I've lost SO much money and time on the project, but it will be worth punting if I can get away from these guys. I took my name off of the plans, burned a CD with the files and sent them to the client.

I feel somewhat free!

Right now my company is slowing down, which we usually do this time of year. I'm pretty happy about it because it means that we've been able to get rid of most of our deadbeat clients and will allow us to concentrate on going after municipal clients - who are wonderful to work for.

My cleaning woman ended up bitching at me about how we haven't been picking up the house for when she comes. I've been paying her a little extra when she does, but last week J paid her and she didn't get the extra that she was expecting. Then she informed me that she didn't want to come to the company Christmas party because she doesn't work for me (I guess she means that she doesn't work for the company) and that she feels uncomfortable around A's wife, C. A works for me for the past 3 + years and D, the cleaning lady, has come to our company Christmas party for the past three years - hey, it's a free dinner at a nice restaurant . . . We went to The Melting Pot last year and are planning on going to Buca di Beppo this time. I had scheduled the party on Monday to fit with D's schedule. Then she said that she wasn't going to come.

We do a lot for this woman. I've bought several (yes, several) plane tickets for her over the years so she can go home to see her family. I feed her and pad her check occasionally when she does a little extra or seems to need some more cash. For her to pull attitude on me because she didn't get an extra $10 in her check pisses me off. She's been cleaning our home over eight years. I honestly don't understand where all this is coming from. J and I are going to cut her loose. We spend way too much for this service and will do fine with a company that comes in once a month. I certainly won't be dragged through the emotional roller coaster if I do.

What a crappy week.

Saturday, November 26, 2005

Like Crack

Well, I have to admit that I love trying on new clothes.

I finally let go of my size 32 jeans today. It's really tough to do because I worry about sliding back to 350 pounds. I made my 10% (34 pounds lost) at Weight Watchers, but I gained half a pound back a week later. I still feel great and want to get under 300 pounds by January 1st.

Anyway, back to a new passion. I've shopped at Lane Bryant since I was a teenager. I've always been big and have never really been happy with the selection at the big girl stores.

I actually got down to a size 10 once in my married life (I was on Nutrisystem) and I LOVED shopping for new clothes. I was able to go into any store and wear anything I wanted. It was heaven. Of course with prepackaged food diets, once I got off it, I went nuts and gained everything back, and of course the wonderful bonus pounds.

Since I went in to Lane Bryant a month ago, I ended up earning some awesome coupons - essentially everything was half off up to $150.

I am an engineer and I am very "girly" impaired. I work out of my home and most of my contact with business people are with men. I guess the best way you can describe my "uniform" is that I wear knit shirts with collars (the standard 80's polo shirt) and a pair of jeans (since they don't rip as quickly as the Docker type khaki pants). I also wear a ratty pair of suede brown tennis shoes. I've been described as being very "dykey" by many people.

Flash to walking into Lane Bryants. I'll walk into a LB and look around and not like anything I see. It's either really old looking or too young. I get intimidated very easily so I usually just leave. I'm normally looking for my standard uniform and they just don't sell stuff like that.

Yesterday I just walked up to one of the girls who work there and showed her how much I'm able to spend and let her pick. It was great. I ended up spending $118 on clothes (I wanted to only spend $75), but the clothes I bought looked great. I initially rang up $280 worth of clothes (and that was with the $75 off coupons). I had to cut. It was really hard to do and I ended up with two pairs of jeans, a raspberry shirt, and two tee shirts. I'm still fat, but the clothes make me feel pretty. I wore the raspberry shirt, the brown cammy, and the new jeans I bought today. I felt really great.

Those Lane Bryant sales ladies are GOOD. I think I need to stay away from their stores for a while because I end up wanting to spend over $100 every time I go in.

Thursday, November 17, 2005

The Others

Well, I took some heat from J about the last post ("You have taken passive aggressive to new heights"). Sorry J, I wasn't trying to get you to put the dishes in the dishwasher, I was just pointing out an observation I had.

Lost was a good one last night. We got some of the loose ends tied up.

1) The back plane folks *were* the ones on the radio when Boone was in the airplane.
2) The others didn't kill the guy with the pole, Anna Lucia did - in self defense.
3) We now know why the back plane folks had a ready made pit.
4) We now know why some of the people were taken by the Others: They were strong and good.

Why did the Others take folks from the back of the plane, and not folks from the front? I still don't understand why the Others stay away from the people.

Anna Lucia has demonstrated herself as being one tough cookie - and smart! I didn't process that the guy from the jungle was dry. I did rewind back to verify this and sure enough, he was (I love my PVR). I did, however, figure out that he was the mole early on - mainly because he was the one who found Bernard (who was in the jungle). And secondly, I pretty much pegged it from story line point of view - it was more interesting to have it turn out the way that it did.

Lost is still the best drama show on television. My Name is Earl is the funniest (with Boston Public a close second)

Oh, and I'll have my chicken McNuggeted, thank you. You can hold the sweet and sour dip as I'm a honey mustard kind of gal. (You will have had to have seen this week's Earl to get the joke).

Wednesday, November 16, 2005

Pet Peeves

This morning after breakfast, I walked over to the dishwasher to put my bowl in it. I glanced over at the kitchen sink and sure enough, J had left his bowl in it. The dishwasher is right next to it - why is it so hard for him to put it in?

I should talk, though. J washes all the clothes and it's my job to fold them. More times than I can say, we end up with a huge pile of clothes that M loves to climb.

I guess we all aren't perfect.

Tuesday, November 15, 2005

M the budding skeptic

M & I were riding around over the weekend and we had gone to the library. The local city was decorating for Christmas (yes, it's the beginning of November and we're seeing Christmas decorations).

Last year the library had a great event that had a guy read The Polar Express and then Santa and Mrs Santa showed up and gave everyone jingle bells. M went to the bathroom to work up the courage to sit on Santa's lap (she was thirty four months old and terrified). She sat on his lap and rattled off a whole list of stuff she wanted.

Flashback to last Saturday. I mentioned to M that we could go to the library again and see Santa. She then informed me that Santa doesn't really give you everything that you ask for. She had asked for a skateboard last year (I seem to remember that - vaguely) and she hadn't gotten one.

Friday, November 11, 2005

Sad :(

I love to visit Las Vegas. We used to go many times a year before M arrived in our lives. Cheap haunts are really what we enjoyed the most - mainly for kitsch value and because they're a whole lot more fun to hang out at than the high end places.

November 17th at 5 pm, Westward Ho is closing their doors for good. The Ho was a place we visited almost every time we came to town - they had ice cream sundaes in the afternoons, the worlds largest hot dog for a $1, great margarita's, and low limit black jack tables. The tables were always filled with nice people (some of the downtown places can have some really mean old guys who yell at you and smell funny). They always had something going on. J & I once went to a seminar held locally and got a couple of free nights stay - which was great because we can get super cheap round trip tickets for $100 each.

I'm gonna miss her.


Thursday, November 10, 2005

Lost rant

Didn't see that one coming!

I did not see Shannon as the character that was going to be killed. Just when I started liking her and enjoying seeing her story flashbacks, they kill her off.

I really liked that Sayed had finally found love again (he's a cutie).

I also have to applaud the writers - going back to show what happened to the folks in the back of the plane is really great. I like that they also have introduced the leader of the group - she's the anchor for the series.

I also think I'm way off about the Others now. Why are they taking people? Why are the people staying with them (I assume).

They've got me hooked - but I'm pissed that Shannon is dead.

Wednesday, November 09, 2005

Television Update

Okay, I've got my list of stuff I like to watch:

1. Nip/Tuck (No real drama going on right now - the writers better get with it)
2. Surface (It's kept me interested - I've stopped watching Invasion and Threshold)
3. Commander In Chief (A great fantasy - I like Geena Davis)
4. Lost (The network keeps jerking me around - but it's good enough that I'll keep watching)
5. Survivor (Yep, I still watch it - mainly because I want to see how far Hogeboom goes!)
6. The Apprentice (with The Donald - Martha comes on at the same time Lost does)
7. ER (I'm surprised at how I still like watching it even though Noah Wiley left last season)
8. My Name is Earl (A show that actually makes me laugh out loud!)
9. Boston Public (William Shatner is just great in this show ("Denny Crane!"))
10. The Simpsons

Oh, and to clarify - J was the one who fixed the problem with my friend, not me. (J - will you now quite whining about this?)

Monday, November 07, 2005

Ostrich head

One thing that I do that is really, really bad when I know I'm disappointing someone or am behind on something is I ignore the problem.

Ironically, I don't really ignore the problem. I obsess in my mind over and over again. I lose sleep over it. I worry about it. The only thing I don't do is head off the problem.

Case in point: I'm behind on a project at work for various reasons: difficulty of project (I'm cleaning up another engineer's mess), personal matters and commitments, failure to pay on the clients behalf (I put projects on the back burner for clients who are slow to pay - or who refuse to pay until the end of the project). This client is actually a personal friend from way back. I'm re-doing the storm drainage of a subdivision that he'd inherited from another engineering firm. My friend has owed me a lot of money for quite some time. I've been patient with him, because he's a friend. He called up and cussed out my technician last week.

I should be mad, but I'm worried about losing the friendship. So I act like an ostrich and bury my head in the sand.

J is great. He knows I need to address the issue now rather than later. I confronted the friend and we've worked out a deal that's fair to both. I think I'll be getting some good sleep now.

Feeling good

I just got back from the family wedding. It was way worth getting the nice clothes from Lane Bryant. I felt pretty for the first time in - well, years. I danced and felt wonderful. J looked great, too.

What was nice about this trip was being able to sit in the airplane seats - this is one of the reasons why I've not flown in quiet some time. When I was at my heaviest, I couldn't even fit in the seats that have the trays on the side (they have dividers between the seats - last time I couldn't fit in one). I also am proud that I didn't need a belt extender. I still can't go down the aisle facing forward and people visibly move out of my way, but I'll take the little victories.

Oh, and J & I went to see Hal Holbrook as Mark Twain last week. We ended up walking up the stairwell steps in the parking garage after the show. I wouldn't have been able to do that a couple of pounds ago.

Now I have to get back with the Weight Watchers program. I haven't been to a meeting in two weeks and have gotten away from eating well and being held accountable (i.e., the dreaded weigh in). I am determined to make this work - not just for my health, but for the health of my daughter. She mimics me and I want her to mimic good eating behaviors.

All in all, we had a great trip - even though M & J got some type of stomach flu. It was a wonderful experience to get together with family without all the drama! My dh's family is so nice.

Thursday, November 03, 2005

Lane Bryant

Just went shopping for some new clothes for a family wedding we're going to this weekend as I have NOTHING to wear that fits. Plus, the last time I went to a family event I was at my heaviest and didn't really do a good job of dressing up.

The ladies at Lane Bryant must have been a little bored last night because they were actually able to give me some good clothes advise. I bought two new outfits, got a proper sized bra (I'm a DDD - who'd a thunk), and some much needed confidence.

Now that I've slept on it, I only like one of the outfits - I know I got caught up in the moment. It's nice to have clothes that look good on you. It's hard to find stuff when you're as large as I am.

What was shocking was I ended up buying clothes that were much smaller in size than I usually buy clothes in. I started at a size 32 pants - and those were tight. I bought a size 24 pant last night and a 18/20 shirt.

Whoo hoo!